Blog · Rant


Here I am again, cannot sleep at nearly 4 am. My body is aching pretty badly from the lovely, much needed rain. I love listening to it, but I hate how my body feels. I am a human barometer. The only reason I even know what a barometer is, is because my dad was obsessed with decorating our house in a nautical theme when I was growing up, this included having barometers framed in brass on the mantle and on the wall near the top of our stairs, along with a huge painting of a ship at sea above themantle, a painting of a ship in a storm above the stairs, ships in bottles and hanging over the couch, completely unrelated to this theme was a bronzey looking, gigantic photographic portrait of someone’s dog, I think a great grandparent’s, (now I’m gonna need to call and ask my mom). I always found this picture to be creepy yet comforting in its huge gawdy brass colored frame. It looks like something off of the walls of Rachel’s parent’s house in Pet Semetary. I find a little irony in what pops into my head when I think about that movie, the scene where Zelda, who has spinal meningitis, is screaming “never get out of bed again!” I know lupus cannot be compared to spinal meningitis, but my fears that have been awakened by this diagnosis, along with having degenerative disc disease are always in the back of my mind. I am afraid of becoming bedridden and a burden. I am afraid of losing my quality of life. I am afraid of giving up. I am just afraid. Despite my fears, I am going to keep pushing forward. 


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